What the hell???

Why the !@#$ have I just learned about this NOW???

http://blogs.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/synthful/post-apocalyptic-party-road-wa/index.php

http://www.laweekly.com/slideshow/view/28836900

I could have RULED Bartertown.

Goddammit.

Very cool...

I would totally do this if i were a crazy rich person.

My brain hurts...

I love movies. I always have. From the annual ritual of watching the original King Kong on Thanksgiving to Indiana Jones, the first film that truly blew me away and still does to this day. I enjoy movies that run the gambit from high concept to lowbrow. I prefer to see movies in the theater, but at home can be nice too. (No missing anything while you run to take a pee) I try not to use absolutes but if I had to I would make the following two statements.

First, Blazing Saddles in Mel Brooks best work. Everything after that started to slip.

Second. Uwe Bol should never be allowed near a camera again under any circumstances.

Thanks to Netflix I've been catching up on some movies I just didn't get a chance to see this last year or so. Two recent experiences have left my cerebellum bruised.

The first is Revolver. It's by Guy Ritchie. I like his style but this isn;t a typical Ritchie film. This thing blew through the theaters a year ago. Do you remember the ads for it? No? Because there were none. It's like it didn't happen. It's not the casting. Jasan Statham is in it giving a great performance. The guy CAN act. Roy Liota is here too, chewing the hell out of the scenery along with a great supporting set of characters. But as I said, this ain't your typical Guy Ritchie film. It strives to be something much bigger, and it almost makes it. Things start out pretty clear. Statham gets out of jail and seeks revenge on Liota, but they quickly spiral out into muddy waters. The story is not what it seems to be. And at the end you say "I think I get it" although you might have missed the big picture. I appreciate a movie taking you most of the way and then throwing you at the finish line. Such as in 'The Usual Suspects'. Fine. But Revolver takes you to within 200 yards of the finish and then wanders off for an icecream cone. I appreciate the attempt, but it doesn't quite work. Your mileage may vary. I recommend you see it.

Southland Tales, on the otherhand.... Well, how can you describe this movie? I honestly cannot. It has a pretty A-list cast with The Rock, Sarah Michelle Geller and even Christopher Lambert etc. But the story. Where do you start? It's supposed to be a dark comedy about the end of the world in a post 9/11 world unfolding over three days in the near future. But it's a trainwreck. No, it's a train hitting a busload of nuns and orphans. Each one of whom is holding a kitten.

There are about 9 different, complete stories in this thing. Maybe 12. Half of them might be good, it's hard to tell. It's like a computer model of Stanly Kubrics brain dropped acid after reading the patriot act. They then filmed the results. It's all over the fucking place. It mocks most of the story telling styles used in Hollywood movies. It throws in random story elements. Even a musical number. I kept thinking "Any time now, this thing is going to pull back and we'll start to see the overall story arc. Something is going to tie these fevered dreams together into something that makes some kind of sense".

But it NEVER did.

It had some potential. If they'd done about a dozen rewrites this thing might have gone somewhere. Or maybe I'm just stupid. It might make a good book. If you weren't constrained by the limited of film this might have made some sense. But it isn't, so we're left to try and make sense of it on our own with a lot of jigsaw pieces from different freakin puzzles.

UPDATE according to this wikipedia article, the movie was to have been part of a graphic novel series. This makes a certain sense. The film does frame a lot of its scenes the way some graphic novels do. The voice overs and images jump suddenly between scenes. But it STILL doesn't work. I've read a few reviews that call it the best film of the decade. Really? If you have netflix, check this out and give me your opion.

Zombies!!!

I want to see this film. I MUST see this film. Zombie Nazi's? Squeeee!

City of Ember

Every one in a while I hear about a film that is waaaaay below the Radar. Sometimes its a small foreign film or something the studios won't promote like "The Fall".  

I just saw the trailer for City of Ember and I like what I see so far:

Yes!

I just found out that "The Fall" will be showing in Cleveland for about a week starting this Friday. I REALLY want to see this film. It not only looks stunning it seems genuinely original. The only place I can find playing it is the Cedar-Lee theater on the East side. Anyone up for it?

Wow

Here is a trailer for a film I had heard NOTHING about called The Fall. It looks good. DAMN good. Take a peek:




This is by the director of The Cell, which was beautiful to look at but not a great story. Then again, I love eye candy. And thanks to the internets, I learned that the music in the trailer is from Beethoven's 7th symphony. My man Ludwig was one hell of a composer.

The Ho-ho-horror

This has to be one of the best claymation parodies ever. It combines Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and Apocalypse Now. Really. It is a warped bit of genius.





On a side note- Back in Jr. High this film was some kind of fixation for me. I remember my friends and I had a tape recording of it and we could recite most of the movie from memory.

Knees...getting...weak...

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a certain...weakness... for props and specifically paper ephemera. Maps, documents, old foreign money, deeds. Now some clever monkeys have created some awesome looking props and documents from Firefly.


There are blueprints that look just gorgeous. And the best? A set of official ships papers that are too cool to be believed. We never saw these in the show, just the leather case they were carried in, but these guys have done some awesome work in creating what should have been seen. Alas, they are $120 which is more than I can spend right now. They also look to be creating some other great looking props. If you are a Battlestar Galactica fan (and who in their right mind isn't) you might like to check out their tongue in cheek "How to spot a Cylon poster" for only $20.

My nerdiness is showing...

The History channel is playing the Young Indiana Jones Adventures, a show I really liked back when it first came out. The show follows a 9 year old and a teenage version of Indy in his adventures around the globe. The ones with the younger Indy I never really liked as much, the child actor isn't that good and the pacing of the shows is bad. I do give them points for actually filming on location. The Moroccan episode is pretty good but an Egyptian segment left me scratching my head. In it, the young Indy and his tutor are left high and dry by their camel driver when they decide to climb one of the small Pyramids on the Giza plateau. Aside from the unlikeliness of a guide abandoning the balance of his pay, there are NO other tourists in the area??? By the time they get down the sun is setting. A young T.E. Lawrence arrives on a bike and they decide to make a camp for the night using camel dung for fuel.

But having been to the Giza plateau I know that its actually a very short walk from the Pyramids to the edge of Cairo. In fact, we could see the Pyramids from our hotel room at the Mena house Hotel (which was a hotel at the turn of the century as well). They could have walked a few hundred yards, sat down for tea and gotten a cab. Hardly an epic journey.

I know they had to raise the tension but I hate when basic facts are messed with. I won't even go into the Egyptology parts where they meet up with Howard Carter in the Valley of the Kings. They show a man blasting the area with dynamite, which I don't believe Carter ever did since the area is unstable limestone, (although the Italian Egyptologist Caviglia did use Dynamite on one of the pyramids).

I know, I know. It's just a show. But it bugs me.

Super Awesome

If you are a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and who amongst us isn't?) You will be delighted to know that the guys behind this great show are back at it. Rifftrax.com sells downloadable audio tracks that you can play along with your favorite new DVD movie release. Of course, newer movies tend to not such as much as the gems on MST3K but not by much. At $3 -$4 it's a cheap way to liven up your next movie night.

More gooder...

Remember that blasphemous video "PG-13 300"? Well there's something even gooder now. Flight 300

I really give it to these guys. A lot of work went into this.

This is CAKE TOWN!!!

This had GOT to be the funniest thing I have seen in a while. (I know, I keep saying that). I present to you "300-The PG version"



My wife literally called it 'blasphemy'.

Amazing

If you haven't seen this ad yet, do it now. Yes, its for a shoe. But that doesn't matter because its really just a very short but very powerful movie.





I listened to hundreds of hours of Opera back when I was a butler and can identify quite a lot of it. But actual operas are really quite long and often boring. I'm sure they were the Lord of the Rings extended edition DVD's of their time. I'll take an aria here and an overture there but not an entire opera. That doesn't mean that this music isn't simply amazing, and when joined with these visuals the results are no less emotional than a full length movie. I actually wept when I saw this commercial. The story is told without words as they are unnecessary. Everything is there. You understand the emotions, motivations and pain of every face on the screen.

Nike has a history of making some kick ass commercials, such as the Demon Smiting Nike ad some years ago. Yes, it's as ad, but that doesn't mean it ain't art. If you doubt me, go check out the BMW short film series 'The Hire'. (sadly, only available on youtube instead of high quality video) They were actually better than several films that came out the same year. After one particularly aweful film I forced my friends to watch these films and they agreed that the films were better than what we had just seen (check out Powderkeg, its the best).

p.s. The song is Lacrimosa from Mozarts Requiem

Films

This has been a pretty damn good year for movies. I would highly recommend you direct your eyeballs to the following films if you can. If not in the theater, as the Gods intended us to see movies, then on DVD:

• Smokin' Aces - Its violent but its well done violence. Some great characters.
• Perfume - A wonderful period piece about a nasal savant. This film was a rich tapestry of filth. Great to watch and not predictable.
• Children of Men - Gritty dystopia fare that looks more like a documentary.
  
• Pan's Labyrinth - Wonderful and dark. A true old school fairy tale.
  

And now a tangent...

I watched Man on Fire last night and am still convinced that it is one of the best damn vengance films ever made. It's right up there with Tombstone in its sheer badassness. It came out at about the same time as The Punisher and although the punnisher tried to be hardcore, it failed miserably. It was standard action-film fare with stock bad guys and lots of explosions and gunplay blah blah.

Man on Fire takes place in Mexico City and feels real. It's shot in oversaturated colors with characters that are interresting, flawed and very himan. Denzel is great as a former military operative who drinks excessively and is obviously haunted by his past (although they thankfully do not give us the standard flashback scenes). Tony Scott, the director is guilty of over and undercranking the camera a bit much, and is guilty of using Opera (Pagliachi) in a scene where it was not needed. But it doesn't take away from the overall story. The soundtrack is awesome. Go rent this and tell me I'm wromg. Best vengance film ever.

Sheer Joy

You should go and view this short called "The Grandfather of Soul". I'm not going to tell you anything about it. It's short and very sweet. Pass the link on to your friends.

Vikings vs. Indians

If this idea appeals to your bloodthirsty nature you may wish to point your Interweb browser of choise to the following linky.

Yes, yet the viking armor and swords are all wrong. That typically kills it for me. Sci-Fi recently did a version of Beowulf (oddly called Grendel) that was so visually painful I could stomach no more that 5 minutes of it. But this film is different. It may not be accurate, but it looks good. For this I will forgive much. Anyone remember the Gladiator helmet the viking wore in The 13th Warrior? I forgive this transgression because it still LOOKS right and certainly remained true to the spirit of the Vikings.
...

Okay, so maybe the Vikings are depicted as a bit bloodthirsty. The film does seem to be skewed to the "Spirit Warrior" crowd who have collectors plates depicting Palomino's and velvet paintings of hot Indian women next to wolves.