Freakin' EPIC

I learned to day that the following piece of AWESOME weaponry is now available. What could make this thing more cool? Putting it to use in an all out office war. This is one of the few things we didn't do back when I was working for 'the man', but I wish we had.

Have a look.

Sooooo coooooool

Optimus Prime made from scrap metal....

A game with only one rule...

No Murder.

This is no joke. The small town of Ashbourn in England plays a game called Shrovetide Football. It is not like any game you have ever seen before.

In the small English town of Ashbourne during 2 days a year the people divide to play a sport with the purpose of scoring the “toughest goal”. Sure kicking a ball into the net takes some skill, but even these people would say scoring in a sport such as rugby is only for the weak. Imagine thousands of people, divided by a river, with 2 days to get a ball across town with one simple rule: no murder. That is only the beginning in Royal Shrovetide Football.

Go and check out the details here. There are two videos but they don't seem to work on the site, but you can fine one here and a longer one here.

MegaCon and more

I ran into R2 at the Con. He looks good for his age but I thought he might want to try out "The Shatner" model to keep that slight gut in check.


















The very rare double headed Rhino. She's a beauty!





















THIS is what you look like after the ride that "doesn't get you very wet" according to my beloved wife.

















Two lorikeets sharing some nectar at Busch Gardens

When you need a slushie yesterday...

How is this for a cool concept. A faux store with a time travel theme! It appears that money raised form the sale of things like "Barbarian Repellent" and "Robot Cow Milk" goes to support a non-profit tutoring and writing center.


This is the kind of thing that I could SO get behind. We need more coolness like this in the world.

Wow

Here is a trailer for a film I had heard NOTHING about called The Fall. It looks good. DAMN good. Take a peek:




This is by the director of The Cell, which was beautiful to look at but not a great story. Then again, I love eye candy. And thanks to the internets, I learned that the music in the trailer is from Beethoven's 7th symphony. My man Ludwig was one hell of a composer.

What have I done?

I have spoken before about how I am not to be left unsupervised for any reason. This is double so any time I am near shiny objects. So I feel completely comfortable blaming my lovely wife for this entire fiasco. Oh sure , she had nothing to do with it in any direct way. But if I blame myself I'll just stress out and we all know that stress is bad for you, right?

And it's not like I could have resisted the siren-like call even if I HAD any kind of self control (which I do not). Can I be blamed for letting my eyes rest upon the shapely, sexy form that was before me? Could any man have remained faithful. NO I say. There are carnal urges, and they must be sated.

So... I bought and iphone.

It was not something I needed to do. I have a phone and it mostly works. At one time I thought it was powerful and even a little sexy (in a Bill Gates kind of way). The Treo 650 had email, could surf the internet, had a color screen, ran the Palm OS and could sync with my PC. It seemed like the right thing to get. It was pricey. But I told myself that it would allow me to stay in contact while on the road. Indeed, the treo was very handy, mostly as an email device. It saved me and my clients several times when things went wrong with their websites. There were times when using only my phone I corrected settings on a clients website while sitting in a tent in the middle of nowhere during a rainstorm. But lately the spark had gone out of the relationship. It crashed on occasion. I expect this from my PC, but my phone? Yes it ran the Palm OS, but we all know that that like investing in a dodo farm.

The browser was functional but finicky. The notes feature just stopped working. The sync often created duplicate entries in outlook. It was a qwerty keyboard but my fingers are not the nimble digits of a piano player but the meaty paws of a wookie.

I thought it was time my phone and I started seeing other people.

The experience of getting the phone at an AT&T store was more pleasant than I had imagined or read about. It wasn't a paradise with 72 virgins and streams of wine, but it wasn't a red hot poker up the ass either. The young man (I think his name was Bark, or Brad or something) answered my questions. He had an iphone, as did 2 of the other 3 sales people. Two had jailbroken them (hacked them to run unofficial applications).

Then I learned that switching to the iphone with a data plan would actually be $20 a month cheaper than my current plan. Well, hell. In a year it would half-way pay for itself. (This is what passes for rational though in a tech fevered mind).

I bought it and took it home.

Setting up the Treo had been fun in the same way that having someone poke you in the eye is fun. The basic setup was simple enough, but setting up the email failed. I went online and finally tracked down an obscure tech document with clues on how to get email working. It turns out this information had actually be printed up by the helpful sales guy and stuffed in the bag with the phone when I bought the Treo, but AT&T had given me something like 50 pieces of paper with the phone. Manuals, promotions, recipie books, addendum's firmware update info.

When I took the iphone out, I plugged in the dock and stuck the phone in it.

I went through a setup form. It synced my contacts and itunes playlists. I went outside to get signal and in a minute it was activated. My sole interaction was to enter a password for my email and that was it. It just worked. I played with it. Tweaked it. Added a few widgets, moved some icons around on its desktop. All of it intuitively. I never looked at the skinny users guide.

As a former usability person all I can say is that this is simply the best designed device around. Although there is a volume rocker switch on the side and a sleep button on top, they aren't needed. It essentially has ONE button. That's it.

Jacob Neilson masturbates to his iphone.
(and if anyone else other than Ed get that joke, I'm impressed)

Since I try not to use cell phones while driving there have been times that I've needed Rossana to call someone or try to check directions or whatever. This was never a pleasant experience. First you had to push the center button, then tap the screen to unlock it. The either push the phone button or the menu button. You could then use the rocker button to select 'contacts' or push the on screen icon for the virtual keypad. And this was just the phone! It's easy enough if you are comfortable with tech but Rossana eyes tech the way I eye shellfish, as an evil entity that is lying in wait to attack me.

I handed Rossana the phone and had her push its single button. From there, everything else was pretty much self explanatory. Typing on the virtual keyboard takes some getting used to. But it's no slower than the pinheads that the treo had. She smiled.

I snapped a pic of the box and emailed it to my brother. He and I have discussed the iphone back and forth for a while. It's strange that he, who used a Mac for many years is now very attached to a Windows mobile phone. I played with it at his wedding and it is a great phone. It has a slide out keyboard and GPS. It's very nice and I was tempted by it.

But in the end I went for the iphone. After the clunky, asymmetrical block of the Treo I could not resist the sexy black buttonless slab. This is not to say that it is perfect. It has flaws. The most obvious is the fact that standard headphone jacks don't work without an adapter ($5). Flash isn't natively supported. It doesn't have GPS (although it can get a rough fix on your position) and it's not 3G which means it's not as fast when surfing the wb (although it can use wifi, which is sweet). My brother told me I would feel the fool once Apple releases a 3G version this summer. Perhaps. Or I may just sell it on ebay for a profit. This thing is in high demand around the world. Even the sales kid at the store told me that I would be better off ebaying it if I didn't like it than returning it for a 10% restocking fee.

Of course, now that I have it. I have to pay for it. This means I need to clear out my closet. The first two things that have to go are the Treo and my 40 gig ipod. Both have served me well. I used the Treo to Blog about volunteering in New Orleans and travelling through Egypt. The ipod has kept us awake during long drives to shows with audio books from the library. Both work great. The treo's memo function is wonky, but I'm sure resetting it to factory setting will take care of that. I replaced the ipod battery with a new one only five months ago. It's better than the original. If anyone is interested in either drop me a line or leave a comment. I'll give it a week before they go on ebay along with some other stuff.

I'm off to Samarkand..

Actually... I'm not. But if I WAS going to Samarkand or Timbuktu I would want to use this luggage.


It is achingly beautiful, handcrafted and so pricey that by the time I got the luggage I couldn't afford to go to on a day trip to Windsor and play the Nickel slots. They make a great satchel case as well. Still too expensive. Ah... some day...

Obey the Kitteh

The glorious revolution and it's leader will crush the running dogs of the west.



And then play with the toy mousy and take a nap. Get the shirts and schwag here, (they also have dog stuff too, if you're into that sort of thing.

77 Drummers

This the kind of thing I would love to help make happen. A collection of 77 drummers who came together to create one large musical instrument. There is no profit motive. There is no product tie in. There is no CD. There are no sponsors or celebrity talking heads. Just a cool idea. If you've ever played in a drum circle you know it can be a total blast.

Taking a deep breath...

Ok, I've calmed down after my previous rant. Watching this video helped. Then I went to this site which has all kinds of pics of microcars. Sweet!

Happy swag day!

Yes, I got some very practical gifts. A winter Tilly hat and some thick socks. I got some books (which I always love). But I have to admit that my two favorite gifts were given to me by my sweetie. One was the Firefly ships papers I blogged about a few days ago. They're lovelier that I could have imagined. The other is a simply massive and completely impractical lock made in India I believe. It takes two keys to open. It's huge! I have NO use for it, but I love it dearly. I am already thinking about how to decorate it with brass and other gunge.

So, what neat swag did you get?

Sweet find...

A week ago or so I visited the local Army/Navy surplus store in Oberlin. I'm looking for bits and bobs for a Steampunk costume and military surplus is sometimes a great resource. I found a cool looking map case for about $12 and a small canvas pouch for $2 that used to be used to carry hand grenades. As I was checking out I felt my Souk Sense tingle. My souk sense is like Peter Parkers Spidey sense but more practical. I don't need to know if Doc Oc is behind me, but I do need to know when something cool is nearby and for sale. That thing was a flintlock pistol sitting on a hook on the wall behind the register.

I casually asked the salesman about it and he said it wasn't real (well Duh) and some guy had traded it in or something. I asked to see it and tried to keep my composure as I checked it over. It wasn't real, but it was a very good reproduction. Made in Spain. Better than the mass produced items available at any ren fair. I had owned a nicer version a few years ago that I picked up in a trade and regrettably sold it at a Pirate event to make sure we broke even. I got $300 for it. This one wasn't near as nice but it was close. Real flint holder, solid barel, mechanism in good shape. I asked if he'd sell it.

"How much you offering?" he asked.

Tough call that, but as he knew nothing of its worth and I had nothing to loose I said "20 bucks".

"Sold" Sweet.

This picture was taken before I did any work on it. I completely disassembled it, sanded the barrel, cleaned up the firing mechanism, ground down the trigger to a smooth finish, polished the brass and treated the wood. Aside from a missing screw (which I replaced) and a cracked ramrod (invisible) it's in top form and looks great.

Achingly Beautiful

In addition to my love of paper ephemera, I have a deep love of old books and journals. So, of course any place that stockpiles them, any place that lavishly displays thousands of tomes in soaring cathedral like locals is enough to send my salivary glands into overdive. I present to you a wonderful collection of libraries I will some day have sex in around the world. Wait...what? Forget the sex part. I meant visit, libraries i will visit someday.

Courtesy of Curious Expeditions

Knees...getting...weak...

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a certain...weakness... for props and specifically paper ephemera. Maps, documents, old foreign money, deeds. Now some clever monkeys have created some awesome looking props and documents from Firefly.


There are blueprints that look just gorgeous. And the best? A set of official ships papers that are too cool to be believed. We never saw these in the show, just the leather case they were carried in, but these guys have done some awesome work in creating what should have been seen. Alas, they are $120 which is more than I can spend right now. They also look to be creating some other great looking props. If you are a Battlestar Galactica fan (and who in their right mind isn't) you might like to check out their tongue in cheek "How to spot a Cylon poster" for only $20.

Oh how the mighty have fallen...

What would Lord Vader say?

The most amazing thing you've ever seen...

People throw that term around a lot. But i think I can safely say that the following link will take you to a story about a place so amazing, made in secret by people with such passion, that you will agree with my statement that it is the most amazing thing ever. I don't know if it's possible to visit this place, but I am damn well going to try.


I give you, The Temples of Damanhur

Technology!

Sure, it's the 21st century and I don't have a !@#$% flying car. I can deal with it. I'm not happy, but I can handle it. What does that leave? Talking computers, moon base, giant walking robots. There are still a lot of cool things I was promised that haven't materialized yet.

But wait, what is this? A super hi tech material thats soft and flexible but when exposed to sudden shock instantly becomes rock hard? Sweeeeeeeet The material d30 (which even sounds like a D&DE armor class) works a little like corn starch in water. Expose it to shock, and some molecular/structural/magic transformation happens turning the rubber-like material solid. Very very cool.

So my question is, could it work for SCA combat? Better yet, when can I get underwear made out of this?

More video of one chick hitting another in the kneecap with a shovel here.

Super cool tool system

If anyone happens to win the lottery in the next few months, I would be quite happy to receive one of these as a present. The Mobile-Shop looks pretty damn sweet (even if the website looks like poo). All modular with tons of storage and wheels. It even comes complete with tools, screws, nuts bolts, tape, everything. The weird thing is that it doesn't seem to have storage for many power tools. A storage unit for a cordless drill and circular saw would be nice, as they are what you use 90% of the time during construction projects.

Pics from GenCon

Sadly, I didn't get to take very many. Too busy working. But I did grab a few and here they are.

Cool

A lego aircraft carrier.

Its go time

The party is almost here. We're down to the last few projects. I am very glad of this, because I feel like I have been in a perpetual state of filthy for the past 30+ days. Seriously. I have been covered in some kind of filth, paint, stain, mud, mortar or glue for over a month. I have destroyed two pairs of pants and three shirts. Rossana has worked even harder than I have and Lindsey has helped out with all kinds of no fun projects.

The end results though, are pretty impressive. I won't post any pics until after the party. It should be big. Today I hit the fireworks store and again I was UNSUPERVISED. I went way overboard this time. Really. This show will be amazing, but I'm going to need to put out a donation jar to try and recoup the large chunk of change I dropped on this fantasia. I have no ability to say No to things that go boom.

It will be great to see my friends. Sometimes this is the one time a year I get to see some of these people. After the party I'm going to visit my Dad up in Boston. Then it's back to work. Great Lakes Medieval Faire opens soon.

Wow

This is pretty impressive. Super detailed doll house scale model of Bag End. Sweet. The pictures are pretty big and there are a lot of them, low bandwidth visitors beware. Go check it out!

Horay!!

My brother Goodman just got engaged! I'm geeked! And it looks like the wedding will be in November. I am really happy for him. It looks like we'll be visiting Austin again. It's a great city. I wonder if I'll get a chance to visit the Alamo Drafthouse again?

Oh, and she's wiccan. Sweet.

THE coolest car

I am not a car person. To me, a car serves a function, and form is something I usually don't care about. There are exceptions of course. The Delorean (time machine or otherwise) The spinner from Blade Runner, the Mach 5 and a few others. Sure.

But in general most cars, modern or classic, fail to get my heart running. I can apprciate them, but not crave them. This is not the case with Bugatti's Veyron. Watch this video and see for yourself.

I am well aware that the way they shot this sequence is half of what makes it so cool. This is a car show for gods sake! Yet it has the visuals of a movie. Outstanding.

Flickrvision

Totally addicting. See what people are uploading to Flickr and where they are uploading from.

Beam me up. Har har.

When contemplating a home improvement project, there are three distance phases:

• Phase 1- Concept
  
  "Honey, if we're going to stucco the house, we should have stone lintels over the windows like an Irish cottage. That would rock."

• Phase 2- Modification due to budget
  
  "Holy crap, there is NO way we can afford stone. But I found this cool company on the Internets that makes faux wood beams. They'd be perfect"

• Phase 3 - Settling for something else (due to the intrusion of reality).
  
  "They want HOW much just to ship a fake wood beam? Ok, what have I got sitting around the yard that I haven't burned yet?"

I really put entirely too much thinking into what should have been a pretty straight forward problem. How do I make it look like the windows have antique beams above them. I contacted companies that sell old barn beams and tried to figure out complex cuts so that they would fit into the window frame. I stressed myself out because I couldn't make it work. Eventually I had to walk away from the problem. Too much thinking. Thinking bad.

They yesterday I picked up a scrap piece of 6X6 left over from the roof project. I held it over the window and heard the sound of Angels blasting trumpets. I could use chunks of WOOD!!!!

I know, it seams pretty obvious to YOU. But I'd been trying to figure out ways to cut materials to replicate a lintel exactly. Using an actual beam would not be perfect, some of the existing window frame would be visible, but it would certainly work, and time is a big factor here.

And since our budget won't allow for buying real 200 year old hand worked beams I had to come up with my own. The solution was simple and very effective. A super tough wire wheel on a 4" angle grinder. The wheel strips away the softer wood fibers, leaving the harder wood in a great raised pattern. It's just like sandblasting. I also took chunks out at random spots and rounded the edges to give the appearance of having been hand worked with an adze.

Voila! Instant antique beams. They look great and didn't cost an arm and a leg. Rossana loves them and now wants to know if I could do the same to the main beams for the roof. That would be about 20 times the work. Plus the beams would be dark whereas the rest of the roof is pretty light colored. Maybe I could use a lighter stain. We'll see. I'm just grateful to get something off my to do list.

Balls

According to Wikipedia, today marks the anniversary of the attempted theft of the crown jewels of England in 1671 by Thomas Blood (yes, that was his name).

Have a read, it's short and simply amazing. This guy not only tried to steal the Crown Jewels, he told the King the jewels were only worth 6,000 pounds, not the 100,000 they were valued at.

Then he talked his way into a pardon!
He're to you, Thomas Blood. And your 15 pound balls.

If you have it, you don't need it.

By now you've likely seem the AWESOME Bruce Campbell Old Spice ads. If you haven't, turn in your Penis and hang your head in shame. For some more fun (and a bit of edutainment) go visit http://www.experienceoldspice.com/

Take the test and tell me how you did in the comments.

Furniture from Guns

A facinating set of pictures of weapons parts turned into furniture.

Dangerocity Part II

With only a few days to go before heading out on the road I managed to get a day set aside for Ballista work with Grimm. Those of you awaiting pictures of us firing flaming projectiles at unsuspecting targets will have to wait.

Our fist order of business was actually fixing my welder. While it wasn't exactly broken, the knob that holds the dial controlling how many thousands of volts are used in the welding process was not holding. After dis assembly we found that the hole for the knob was stripped. Grimm pulled out his tap and die set and I got to tap some bolt holes. A first for me.

Wow, I am actually uncomfortable with reading that.

Anyhow, with repairs made we got down to some serious thinking. The design we are using requires two steel plates to be fabricated. Not having actual plates of steel large enough, Grimm prepared to weld a good dozen smaller pieces of steel together to achieve the same thing.


In my opinion this is like making a windshield from several panes of broken glass. Yes, it might work, no I don't want to be there when its in use. Grimm seemed confident in its structural soundness but it would involve a ton of cutting and welding. Instead I searched the internets and found a company that has a water jet. This VERY cool toy will cut 1/4 inch thick plate steel using a jet of high pressure water. Yes, I asked my wife if I could have one, the answer was no. We fired off the specs and decided to work on shortening the axle.

Out comes our old friend the circular saw. Lots of sparks. I made the second cut but did not have the advantage of long sleeves. Lets just say burning arm hair is not a pleasant smell.



With a 1 foot section removed from the middle of the axle we set up the welding rig outside, where it was bitter cold. Grimm did the welding and a fine job it was. When cool, each of us took turns standing on the axle and so far it has held our weight.



Then...more thinking. Grim has two gears for the winding mechanism. These need to be mounted to a shaft, the shaft needs to be held by several bearings and the center of the shaft needs a drum to wind the draw string onto. We also need to add crank handles. This is by far the most complex part of the operation but we worked out the parts we needed and how we would assemble them. Alas, it was getting late and we didn't have all the tools we needed. We called it a day.

Oh yeah, this will end well...

Ok folks, its time for another installment of 'The Danger Show - with Grimm and Steve'. What are these two kooky kids up to today? Well, they've decided to built a ballista. That's right, these brain surgeons are going to use tools, to make a weapon. It's a danger trifecta!

We began with a well written set of directions and blueprints we obtained off the interweb. These plans were promptly ignored by Grimm, who has in typical fashion, completely redesigned the project in his brain.

Things got off to a good start when Grimm informed me that the prod (the bow shaped thing that makes the big arrows go zoom) did not look good enough, and would have to be cut down. Now, because of the spring like nature of this piece of steel, it cannot be subjected to heat. This would ruin the tempter. The solution? Hose down the prod as we use an electric circular saw to cut the prod.

I am not making this up. If you click HERE you will see the larger image, labelled accordingly:

1. The Hose
2. The Saw
3. The electric cord
4. Glasses. Subject to fogging and debris
5. Grimm's mind

I'll upload some video to youtube later. It was fun, if you consider getting soaked to the skin in ice water while risking electrocution fun. But somehow, we managed not to injure ourselves. We only got half the prod done before the cold forced us indoors for fresh socks. We began the body of the weapon, which looks pretty good. To be fair, Grimm did the lions share of the hard work work this first session. I alternated between flinching and trying not to pee myself. To feel productive I've started stripping a pair of Amish wheels Grimm 'obtained' which will be used to move the weapon once its done. I am fairly sure that using Amish wagon wheels as part of a Medieval siege weapons is a fairly straight path to Hell.

What I've been up to

My recent fascination with Steampunk has led me to dream of several outlandish projects. It is a genre ripe for the picking. Not limited by actual science but more by aesthetics and cool factor I have been gripped by a kind of artistic fever that is composed of rivets, gears and polished brass..

As such, I have created The Clockwork Rifle. It is based loosely on the classic Kentucky rifle with a few notable exceptions. There is no pan or striker. Also, I have added a sniper scope.

This is my first effort and is mostly just a prototype. I carved the rifle stock by hand using a draw knife and a lot of sanding. The barrel is grey PVC. Lots of clock bits. The brass flourishes on the side are cut down cabinet hinges, the brass bands are a thin art brass It was a time consuming process as I wanted the parts I used to look like they fit together. I'm not completely happy yet. I still need a trigger guard and possibly a flip out hand crank for winding the 'main spring' that would power such a weapon. This stock is two pieces but I intend to use a much nicer single piece of wood for the next one.

In doing research for this project I discovered that air rifles, that is, actual air powered rifles that could be used for hunting, were in limited production in the 1700's. Lewis and Clark brought one along, mostly to impress the natives.

Comments and criticisms of this project are eagerly sought.

Clockwork rifle

It will be mine...

I was doing some research on youtube when I came across a great video of a radio control pirate ship. I have been dreaming of such a thing ever since moving to Bag End. I mean, I have a big pond, and although my original plan of building a full scale pirate ship in said pond did not pan out I could still have 2 ships duke it out. If only such cool toys existed. A google search even a year ago yielded nothing, but thanks to this great little video I found a very cool site: iwantoneofthose.com
Their motto? "Stuff you don't need...but really, really want."

It's like they can read my mind, man.

Check the video and pop over to the site for the toys. These pirate ships are only about $60 delivered. And hey, isn't you birthday coming up Steve? Why yes, I think it is. What a coincidence.

Coolest armor EVAR...

This artist is entirely too clever. Clicky the linky to see his gallery of armor for cats and mice. Amazing work here.

Child's Play

When I was a wee lad, we didn't have any of these fancy game consoles. There were no X-Boxen and PS360's or WEEEEEEEE systems. We used to go out in the yard and throw acorns at each other. That's what we did for fun.

Of course, I never had to spend several weeks in a childrens hospital with nothing to do. Sadly, a lot of kids do. This is where a very cool charity called Child's Play comes in. Founded by the clever mirth-mongers at Penny-Arcade in responce to the accusation that gamers contribute nothing to society the Childs Play charity provides games, books and other diversions to sick tots around the world. 100% of your donation goes to the kids. And the great part is that thanks to Amazon.com you don't have to guess what these childrens hospitals need, wish lists have already been drawn up. You can donate to a hospital of your choice of simply donate via PayPal.

Go ahead and bring some joy to a sick kid. I know you're good people.

Brick - See it

Last night I watched a film called 'Brick' on pay per view and I must say that I enjoyed it more than many films I have seen over the past few years. I highly recommend you check out this great hommage to film noir set in a California High School. It's original, funny, painful and well thought out. Great cinematography and a haunting score. One small complaint is that there is a LOT of slang used in this monie, most of it isn't the current kid/gangsta crap. It sounds like it's right out of Daschle Hammett. It comes fast and hard and you might need to rewind now and then to catch it. Check out the trailer (link above).

Super cool...The Shire housing development

Many people have stated how they hate me because I live at Bag End, which they seem to think is a very cool place. They are right to hate me, it is cool. But if you're willing to relocate a little West I have JUST the place for you. It's so cool even I want to go see it when its done. I give you The Shire!

War, but not the bad kind

I just got back from the Pennsic War. This is an annual trip I have made for the past 20 years or so. It's the largest SCA event in the world (at about 12,000 people) and you have to attend it to fully understand it.

This year we were blessed with great weather (a rarity) and a general lack of drama in our camp (a very good thing). The biggest event for me was the resurection of the Hell Party. We ran this party for 6 years before discontinuing it about 4 years ago. But last year's parties were so dismal, so completely devoid of energy or fun that with the help of my campmates we resurected the party with pretty good results.

The party has a slight historical petigree. It was roughly based on church or 'Mystery' plays in the middle ages where the institutions of the church were mocked with slapstick comedy and bawdy humor. Our party featured several carnival style games; Bobbing for Bourbon and the cock-ring toss. We also had a whip-chick area with a stocks and St. Andrews cross. We served great beer and a concoction called Swamp Gas (composed of Mountain Dew and Everclear). We also set up a stage and brought in entertainers.

The one day of bad weather was of course, the night of the party. The grey skies turned black and the rain came just after the first act on our stage. In the rain it was almost impossible to arrange my entrance with the stage manager. In the end I just game in hoping the crowd would notice a 6'2 guy painted red with horns and a pitchfork. They did. I ascended the stage and my makeup began to run into my eyes, blinding me. And then, the three propane torches giving light to the camp, blew out leaving everything in darkness.

This was one suck-ass opening.

I got off stage and did a quick intro by the fire, stumbled 'back stage' and got the worst of the makup out of my eyes. When the rain let up I used some scrap paper on the end of my pitchfork to re-light the torches. The party began to pick up steam. We brought out a fire eater. After that, it was time for our secret weapon. We snuck a generator into our camp (not permitted by campground rules) and used it to power a snow machine that blew fluffy soap-based flakes over the crowd. It was amazing and the crowd loved it. More people crowded in. We sold t-shirts, cigars and indulgences for donations to help defray the cost of the party. This was my biggest worry. Running an event of this size takes a lot of cash. My friend Ed personally fronted about $1200 bucks to make this happen. If the weather had been just a little bit worse, the party would have failed, and more importantly, we would have been left with huge expences. In the end, the donations covered the cost of the party and allowed us to make a donation to the Tuchux Breast-Cancer charity (The Tuchux are a loose affiliation of barbarian types who have gotten a bit of a bad rap over the years).

It was an enormous undertaking. And none of it could have happened without the hard work of everyone in my camp. From locating and picking up long-disused props to setting up the games, the stage and the whipping area to selling tshirts, setting up and running the bar.

I think we reclaimed the 'coolest party' award in the eyes of the attendees. As usuall, I ended up taking a shower at 4am to try and get the red paint off. And the next day my back informed me that lugging 150lb kegs can be hazardous to your health. I spent much of the next 2 days in a bit of a haze. Doing the party just burned up a massive amount of my personal energy reserves. It wasn't just the physical part of helping run the party, but all the stressing out I did in the days before it. Now that its over I am more relaxed. People are already asking me about "Next Years big party". Sorry, I am giving absolutely NO thought to this right now. The Michigan Ren Fair is open and the Ohio Ren starts soon. My garage and shop are disaster areas. It's back to work.

But it was one Hell of a party.

3.2 MILLION firecrackers

I am unworthy.....

A quick bit of fun

Go ahead, push the button.

Super cool...

Anyone speak Russian? Here are some AWESOME pics from a former Soviet Sub base.

When I am God-Emperror of this miserable little mudball of a planet, I shall have a slew of such bases hidden across the globe. Just in case any of my subjects get uppity.

Earth Sandwich

We live in a time of wonder my friends. Once it was thought that if you dug straight down through the earth you would end up in China, where (it is assumed) you would be able to get some really good Chinese food. Of course we know this to be a myth. The Morlocks would get us long before we reached the Earths inner core of cottage cheese.

But thanks to GPS and advances in baking technology, we can now create The Earth Sandwich!

Thus prooving scientifically that some of our speciese has waaaaaay too much time on their hands.

Oh my...

I think its fair to say that I have a certain fondness for the DeLorean. It is a fondness shared by about 97.3% of all males. So when I saw this I was indeed impressed Thanks to the design of the delorean it can provide its own screen for the viewing of visual entertainment. One could easily watch films about time travel, which would no doubt feel like being on some kind of thrill ride.

Adventures in Lawn Care

So here it is at last. The lawnmower. With it I shall tame the wilderness that is my back yard. I shall fear no weed. My chainsaw and my roundup shall comfort me.

This thing has made my life much easier. It does 80 mph. It can, in fact pop wheelies. I will be speaking with Grimm about chrome exhaust pipes and a turbo charger. Its 0-60 speed is a little sluggish. And yes, I am wearing a John Deere hat. It came with the mower and it gives me mad farmer cred down at Cecils trackside diner. Word.